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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27915058">Diggy Diggy Hole</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Morvidra/pseuds/Morvidra'>Morvidra</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The Hobbit - All Media Types</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe, Archaeology, M/M</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 19:26:41</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,194</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27915058</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Morvidra/pseuds/Morvidra</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff"><p>Happy Hobbit Holiday! I blame the inspiration for this fic on far too much watching of old Time Team episodes during lockdown this year. In any case, I hope you enjoyed it!</p></div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Bilbo Baggins/Thorin Oakenshield</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>37</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Have A Happy Hobbit Holiday 2020</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Diggy Diggy Hole</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/CATtheFearless/gifts">CATtheFearless</a>.</li>



    </ul></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p><em>In a hole in the ground there lived an archaeologist</em>…</p>
<p>“A bit pretentious, don’t you think?” Thorin’s voice came over Bilbo’s shoulder.</p>
<p>“Hush, you,” Bilbo muttered as his fingers continued to peck out letters on the keyboard. “This isn’t your story.”</p>
<p>“Well, it <em>is</em>, actually.” Thorin rested his arms on the back of Bilbo’s chair. “I was there too, if you recall.”</p>
<p>“Yes of course I recall,” Bilbo said waspishly. “If you think I’ve forgotten how we met, you have a very strange idea of my character.”</p>
<p>“I would never dream of it,” Thorin said, apparently seriously, although Bilbo could hear the smile in his voice. “I merely meant to point out that <em>I</em> was the one in the hole in the ground, whereas <em>you</em>…”</p>
<p>“Oh, confound and be-bother you,” Bilbo said, spinning to place a kiss on Thorin’s lips. “There! Now go away and let me write in peace, and I’ll read it to you later.”</p>
<p>-</p>
<p>In a hole in the ground there lived an archaeologist. Strictly speaking, this archaeologist spent much less time in holes than many other archaeologists did, for he was a landscape archaeologist and spent most of his time roaming the countryside. But still, the natural habitat of all archaeologists is to be knee-deep in dirt, and they are never happier than when digging holes.</p>
<p>Of course, Bilbo thought, it would be nicer if those holes were not metaphorical ones. Unfortunately, every time he spoke to the excavation leader, he seemed to find new ways to sound like a fool.</p>
<p>“I wish you had never come,” Thorin snarled at him, turning on his heel and stomping out of the tent as he spoke. Bilbo stayed for a moment breathing deeply.</p>
<p>“Don’t take it personally, lad,” Nori advised from his seat at the far end of the tent. The finds expert was busily sorting through a pile of pottery shards from the latest trench, but spared Bilbo a sympathetic glance. “Thorin’s on edge because we’re digging in the wrong spot.”</p>
<p>“Yes, well, maybe if he’d listen to me we could dig in the right spot,” Bilbo snapped. “Sorry, I shouldn’t take it out on you.”</p>
<p>“Not to worry,” Nori said. “You’re doing better than the last landscape fellow, actually. He didn’t last two days before Thorin had him out on his ear.”</p>
<p>“I suppose that’s why Gandalf called me in,” Bilbo said, remembering the surprise he had felt when he’d received the phone call from the eccentric Gandalf Greyhame the previous week.</p>
<p>“You’re exactly what we need on this dig,” the director had said to him. “An experienced landscape archaeologist – and may I say, your <em>personal</em> experience dealing with difficult personalities may stand you in very good stead.”</p>
<p>At the time, Bilbo had been flattered. That was before he had arrived at the dig, however.</p>
<p>“He looks more like a grocer than an archaeologist,” Thorin had said in Bilbo’s full hearing on his first day. Bilbo was still trying to work that one out. Aside from anything else, the sheer absurdity of the statement had left him more inclined to laugh at the time. After all, the archaeologists on this dig alone showed the sheer diversity of appearances – from Dwalin, the excavator (who looked ready to attend a heavy metal concert at a moment’s notice) to Dori the textiles expert (who could have gone straight from the dig to tea with the Queen, had he wished). Bilbo thought that looking like a grocer might just about fall in the middle of the range.</p>
<p>Thorin himself, of course, looked as though he had stepped off the cover of a romance novel. In between arguments, Bilbo spent a lot of time telling himself off for covertly watching the tall, dark and handsome man.</p>
<p>“It’s just a pity,” Bilbo said out loud, “that he’s so very annoying.”</p>
<p>“S’pose I needn’t ask who,” Bofur commented, walking in at that moment. Nori gave a half-smile in agreement.</p>
<p>“Don’t let him get to you,” Bofur said cheerfully. “He’s just been telling me how I must have read the geophysics wrong and that’s why we’re not finding anything in the trench – and he’s the one who drew the square on the map and told me where to dig it!”</p>
<p>“Yes, but that’s what I’ve been trying to tell him,” Bilbo said distractedly. “The map’s wrong.”</p>
<p>There was a clink as Nori set down his pottery. “What do you mean, wrong?”</p>
<p>“Well look,” Bilbo said, pulling the sheaf of papers out of his pocket. “You’ve been going on the assumption that the medieval parchment refers to this area, yes? And so everything has been interpreted to fit in with that idea. But I’ve walked all the hills around here, and there is absolutely no way that this is the hill that Thror described in that document. It simply doesn’t match up with the facts of the lansdscape.”</p>
<p>He flattened a map on the table as he spoke. “Now you see, Thror said ‘westward lies the door’, and ‘three may walk abreast’, so we’re looking for a fairly big doorway, all things considered. So that tells us something about the size of the building we’re after. And I am telling you, there is no chance that any of these hills ever held such a structure.”</p>
<p>Bofur and Nori looked at the map. Then they looked at each other.</p>
<p>“There’s no chance the landscape could have changed?” Bofur asked in the tone of one expecting the answer ‘no’.</p>
<p>“Well of course it’s changed,” Bilbo snorted. “But I’m a landscape archaeologist. It’s my job to look at what’s there <em>now</em> and deduce what was there <em>then</em>. Just as much as it’s your job to know how far down the topsoil layers go, or Nori’s to reconstruct an entire jug from a square inch of pottery, or, or Bombur’s to figure out what food people ate based on two shells and a toothpick. We’re on the wrong hill.”</p>
<p>There was a long silence.</p>
<p>“We need to tell Thorin,” Nori said at last.</p>
<p>“Aye, but who will he listen to?” Bofur said dubiously.</p>
<p>“Well, it certainly won’t be me,” Bilbo said firmly. “Of all the stubborn, arrogant archaeologists I have ever met, Thorin Oakenshield takes the cake. And there is no way on earth that I will be helping him out with anything, ever again!”</p>
<p>-</p>
<p>“I’m glad you changed your mind on that one,” Thorin said, grinning slightly. “Although I’ll admit your description of me would have been fairly accurate at that point.”</p>
<p>“Yes, well, I was reasonably stubborn myself,” Bilbo said, leaning up against Thorin where they sat on the sofa. “And we certainly couldn’t have got off to a worse start than we did.”</p>
<p>“I have never been so wrong in all my life,” Thorin avowed, pressing a kiss to Bilbo’s curls. “But you’re not leaving it there, I hope? You’re planning to write the rest of it?”</p>
<p>“How we had to beat Azog and his crew to the site, and all about the Arkenstone, and the legendary dragon’s curse? Yes, of course I am,” Bilbo said. He yawned. “But you’ll have to wait until tomorrow night for the next part.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Happy Hobbit Holiday! I blame the inspiration for this fic on far too much watching of old Time Team episodes during lockdown this year. In any case, I hope you enjoyed it!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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